I Hate Reading
I hate to read. I hate
everything about it.
I hate sitting down and staring
at a page.
I hate how boring it is, and I
hate how all the letters line up like little, crawly ants.
I hate how it makes your eyes
hurt, and I hate the headache that you get when you read too long or
think too hard.
Itís as boring as having to sit
there and take it while your parents yell at you for hours and hours
because of your grades.
Reading is like watching some
stupid politician talking and talking on the TV, only worse. Thereís
absolutely no action, no color, no sound, no nothing! Nothing moves;
thereís just a whole bunch of little words plopped there on the page
like dried-up, dead bugs.
I hate how English teachers keep
yelling at you to read and then get mad at you if you donít. Maybe
they think reading is fun, but I donít.
Just because theyíre too old to
run and jump and sing and make out like real people, they think
everyone needs to be as boring as they are. Thatís why they make us
read. And I hate it.
I hate it, I hate it, I hate
Besides, who reads?
donít read. The guys I know donít read. Pro football players donít
read, and theyíre millionaires. Drug-lords donít read. Pimps donít
read. Rock stars never read. Hell, not even the President
When is the last time you saw
someone on TV or in the movies sitting down to read? Does anyone on
a Reality Show ever stop to read? Does anyone in Grand Theft Auto
ever stop to read? No way!
Life is fast, and you gotta grab
what you want on the run. Who wants to waste their life with their
nose in a book? Not meóI hate reading!
Besides, you donít even need to
In school all you do is remember
what the teachers say in class and barf it back to them on the exam,
and youíll keep them happy.
Learn how to outguess the
multiple-choice tests, and youíll never have to read a word.
If they hit you with a paper or
a book report to do, just kiss up and B.S. your way through it!
They donít read the damn things anyway, so just put down anything
you want, and as long as itís long enough and sounds sincere
youíll get a good grade.
When I get out of school the
only thing I want is to get a job that pays a lot and where I donít
have to read!
After all, everybody knows that
itís ďwho you know, not what you knowĒ that gets you a job.
Maybe Iíll be a coachóever seen
a coach reading? Hah!
Or maybe Iíll be some big exec
with a desk an acre wide and a bunch of secretaries who read
everything for me and bring me stuff to sign.
Or maybe Iíll just sit home and
play computer games and get high. I donít know. Just thinking about
the future gives me a headache.
All I know is that I hate to
And teacher, I double-dog
dare you to try and change that.
[What's your response?]
For educational purposes only.