I Hate Reading

I hate to read.  I hate everything about it.

I hate sitting down and staring at a page.

I hate how boring it is, and I hate how all the letters line up like little, crawly ants.

I hate how it makes your eyes hurt, and I hate the headache that you get when you read too long or think too hard.

It’s as boring as having to sit there and take it while your parents yell at you for hours and hours because of your grades.

Reading is like watching some stupid politician talking and talking on the TV, only worse. There’s absolutely no action, no color, no sound, no nothing! Nothing moves; there’s just a whole bunch of little words plopped there on the page like dried-up, dead bugs.  

I hate how English teachers keep yelling at you to read and then get mad at you if you don’t.  Maybe they think reading is fun, but I don’t.  

Just because they’re too old to run and jump and sing and make out like real people, they think everyone needs to be as boring as they are. That’s why they make us read. And I hate it.

I hate it, I hate it, I hate it! 

Besides, who reads? 

My parents don’t read. The guys I know don’t read. Pro football players don’t read, and they’re millionaires. Drug-lords don’t read. Pimps don’t read. Rock stars never read. Hell, not even the President reads! 

When is the last time you saw someone on TV or in the movies sitting down to read?  Does anyone on a Reality Show ever stop to read? Does anyone in Grand Theft Auto ever stop to read?  No way!

Life is fast, and you gotta grab what you want on the run. Who wants to waste their life with their nose in a book? Not me—I hate reading! 

Besides, you don’t even need to read.

In school all you do is remember what the teachers say in class and barf it back to them on the exam, and you’ll keep them happy.

Learn how to outguess the multiple-choice tests, and you’ll never have to read a word.

If they hit you with a paper or a book report to do, just kiss up and B.S. your way through it!  They don’t read the damn things anyway, so just put down anything you want, and as long as it’s long enough and sounds sincere you’ll get a good grade.

When I get out of school the only thing I want is to get a job that pays a lot and where I don’t have to read! 

After all, everybody knows that it’s “who you know, not what you know” that gets you a job. 

Maybe I’ll be a coach—ever seen a coach reading? Hah!

Or maybe I’ll be some big exec with a desk an acre wide and a bunch of secretaries who read everything for me and bring me stuff to sign. 

Or maybe I’ll just sit home and play computer games and get high. I don’t know. Just thinking about the future gives me a headache.

All I know is that I hate to read! 

And teacher, I double-dog dare you to try and change that.    

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O.W. 6/08

For educational purposes only.

 

Owen M. Williamson - Education Bldg 211E - phone: (915) 747 7625 - fax: (915) 747 5655

The University of Texas at El Paso - 500 W. University Ave. - El Paso, TX 79968

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